Hello fair readers and let me officially welcome you to springtime in Colorado! There are several things that we can count on in April. New growth. More hours of sunlight. Purdue Men’s basketball stress. Wanting to punch the IRS (ok, those last two may just be me…). And, above all, Mounting angst surrounding the tryout process. Yes, while many months have me staring blankly at my laptop, searching tirelessly for a relevant blog topic, this is not the case this time of year. Like clockwork, Spring brings hoards of people to my door seeking advice on managing the stress and anxiety of player placement.*
No matter the degree of care taken (in Rapids’ case, we take a ton), the reality remains: The nature of today’s world and sport culture makes engineering stress and anxiety out of the player placement process an impossible task.** And: Even if we could, we wouldn’t want to. A low level of anxiety can serve to mobilize effort, focus attention, lend motivation, and physically activate our bodies. It’s the overswing (with the nausea and tunnel vision and overthinking and muscle tension and this parenthetical is giving me anxiety) that creates problems.
The question, then, becomes how can all of us – staff, caregivers, and athletes – keep our stress at a level that is helpful to us throughout and beyond placement time? Whoever you are – a parent of a high school softballer, a recreational soccer player who is more passionate about orchestra, a competitive soccer coach, or an elite athlete who already has an offer in their pocket – this blog contains practical skills and strategies you can use within any performance context to ensure you show up throughout the player placement process (or auditions, tryouts) in a way that makes you proud.
Step 1: Examine the Cause
You may have noticed I am writing on this topic over a month before most player placement events (PPEs) and decisions. Why? Because the bulk of the work of mentally preparing for PPEs is done during the lead-up. That’s not to say that day-of mental skills aren’t critical. They certainly are, and I’ll cover a few key ones later. That said, most resources on this topic hyperfixate on in-the-moment skills. Addressing only acute stress management skills is choosing to treat a symptom over a cause. This approach is neither fair nor efficient for our athletes.
Especially in difficult or unsure times, kids look to their caregivers and other trusted adults (hello, coaches!) to gauge how they should feel and act. If we seem stressed about this process, they will believe they should be, too. If we imply they need to play the best they’ve ever played at PPEs, they’ll internalize that. So, before we ask our children to jump into first responder mode on their behalf, let’s take a step back. As the adults in the room, what can we do to begin treating the root cause of kids’ PPE stress?
Honest Reflection: Every one of us has our own thoughts, feelings, and expectations around this process. Often, these attitudes stem from immense care for our kids. However, the way they inform our behavior isn’t always helpful. Our own worries may make us overly critical, or our kids may see our stress as a sign that we don’t believe in them (and on, and on). To manage the ripple effects of these internal attitudes, we must first be aware of them. Coach or caregiver, consider:
- What are my goals for my child during this placement process?
- What are my beliefs on how important “high” team placement is for my child?
- What feelings do I have about this process? How do they impact my actions?
To promote accurate reflection, share with a partner, trusted co-coach, or director. Next, engage your kiddo (or team) in a discussion around these same questions. Remember: Our initial objective isn’t to change our/their thoughts or feelings. Stay curious and listen to understand.
(Re)Write Stories: A key takeaway from our reflection(s) is our awareness of the ever-powerful story we are telling about this process. Unfortunately, nearly all stories I hear on this front serve to create pressure, increase nerves, decrease confidence, and direct focus to uncontrollable outcomes (toxic achievement culture, am I right?). All of which impede enjoyment and performance. Stories like…
- The coaches at kickarounds are going to be judging me and comparing me. I can’t make any mistakes. (Athlete)
- My kid needs to play their absolute best at tryouts, or else they won’t meet their goal of making a higher team. (Caregiver)
- Whether or not my athlete(s) move up a team directly reflects the quality of my coaching. (Coach)
As you may recall, we aren’t looking to assess the validity or positivity of these stories. It’s all about if they’re helpful. If we want to minimize our/our athletes’ stress and anxiety levels, we need to draft and invest in stories that are naturally less stressful and anxiety-inducing (groundbreaking stuff, I know). Is there a different way to look at PPEs that would make us feel more ready for the process, or even excited about it? If needed, consider these starting points:
- PPEs allow me to work hard, demonstrate and improve my skills, and learn from new coaches. (Yoo-hoo, growth mindset!)
- My job is to make my kid feel worthy and believed in regardless of their PPE performance or results. (I see you, mattering!)
- I will do my part to ensure my athletes walk into PPEs feeling prepared, confident, and calm. (Yaaas process over outcome!)
Co-Create Expectations: One of the best ways to relieve angst around any high-stress event is to set workable expectations. Unlike our broad stroke stories, expectations direct our athletes’ attention and behavior on the day and tell them what they will be held accountable for. Ask your kids: What are you expecting from yourself at PPEs? What feelings do those expectations create? Help your kids identify two or three expectations that are largely within their control, focus on process over outcome, make them feel confident entering the space, align with family values, and push them toward living out their new narrative.
If I were working through this with my own (hypothetical) child, we’d discuss effort, positive communication, and respect. Because this imaginary kid takes after her somewhat perfectionistic mother, we may even sprinkle in an expectation to take risks and respond productively to challenges. While the “right” set of expectations will differ for every athlete, they should be very similar to those they have on any given practice or game day.
Align Action: Remember: Our kids’ eyes are on us as caregivers and coaches. What we say will always be trumped by what we do. If we claim that placement doesn’t matter but instruct them not to ask cousin Jack about hockey because he didn’t make the best team, that behavior wins over the words. If we set expectations around fun and sportsmanship, but the first question we ask after a game is, “Did you win?” we’ve undone our work. If we look tense on the sideline, our kids will be tense. Model the behavior you hope to see.
Step 2: Manage the Symptoms
By addressing the leading causes of player placement stress and anxiety, athletes will walk into PPEs far better off. That said, nerves are unlikely to dissipate completely (and, again, we don’t want them to). While the exact level of nerves that prove productive varies, most kids report that a 2-3 out of 10 on the anxiety scale is useful. Unfortunately, PPEs often see that number rocket up to a 7+. With this in mind, let’s tackle some specific tools we can use to keep our anxiety at a level that works for us!+
Hunt Good Stuff: Leading up to PPEs, write down three things you improved on, put good effort toward, or executed well at that day’s practice/game. On PPE day, review your list of all of the reasons you have to be confident in yourself.
- Practice Imagery: Set aside 5-10 minutes a day to watch a mental movie of yourself performing in a way you’re proud of at PPEs. Specific (set your movie on the same field, with expected weather, etc.) and detailed (what do you see, hear, feel, smell, taste) imagery will promote quality performance and boost confidence. Plus, if we paint a vivid enough picture, by the time we’re at PPEs, our brain will have a calmer response because it will think we’ve already been there and done well.
- Name / Reframe: It’s ok to say we’re feeling anxious! That, alone, is a tool to turn down the intensity of our anxiety (whoa!). Some of us may feel it is even more useful to name our anxiety differently. Physically, stress and excitement present in nearly identical ways. So, when our body starts feeling what we have come to believe is anxiety, we can reframe it to readiness, activation, eagerness, or even excitement!
- Have a Reset Routine: Anxiety pulls us out of the moment and into worries about the uncontrollable future (like frustration over mistakes drags us into the unchangeable past). To perform our best, we need to have a specific routine that brings us back to the present. A simple 1-2-3. For me, as a volleyball player? Deep breath, adjust my headband, say “Feet to the ball.” In crafting your routine, consider:
- Belly Breathing: Take two or three deep breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth. On your inhale, push the air into your stomach instead of your chest. Then, exhale longer than your inhale. This triggers a tidal wave of responses in your body that culminate in us feeling more calm and present.
- 3-2-1 Grounding: Within the field, name three things you see (ball, goal, grass), two things you hear (teammate, foot hitting ball), and one thing you feel (sunshine). This exercise helps us get out of our head and back into the moment!
- Physical Cue: A simple, quick action can help us shake away our anxious thoughts/feelings, and bring us back to the present. Fix your shin guard, tighten your ponytail, give a high five, make a fist and then let it go – it’s up to you!
- Self-Talk: A simple piece of self-talk can work wonders. This word or phrase can help us stay calm (breathe, loose), harken back to our narrative or expectation (work, respond), or direct attention more technically (first touch, scan). All of these serve to refocus our attention on the process over the outcome.
- Communicate: You aren’t the only person at PPEs. An easy and reliable way to get out of your head and back in the game is to (appropriately) communicate. Encourage others. Ask for the ball. Celebrate successes.
These skills, like any other, become more effective and automatic with practice. Apply them in training and games leading up to PPEs. Use them on the (often tense) car ride to the field. Write a reminder on your wrist (a puff of air, 3-2-1). Do what you need to do to remember your tools and get your reps in.
Step 3: Go Play
At the end of the day, we know that a PPE or placement decision is not going to make or break anything for our kids (enter countless anecdotes about professional athletes who got cut at some point in their career, here). We also know that our kids’ worth and value have nothing to do with their team placement. But those perspectives are a function of experience that most kids lack. It’s our job to not just equip kids to treat their own symptoms, but ultimately attend to the cause. If we take the time to do that, there is no doubt that our kids will enter and emerge from this time of year with eagerness, confidence, and above all, an unshakeable love of the game.
*Readers will notice that I am using the phrases “player placement process” and “player placement events” over “tryouts.” This is in part because Rapids prides itself on striving to place every athlete interested in playing at our club on a team that is best for their development. Also, reframing “tryout” (a word often connotated with stress/anxiety!) in this way is in itself a tool for mitigating anxiety!
**Though distinct, I use stress and anxiety interchangeably in this blog. Tryouts can create stress (an emotional response caused by a specific external trigger) and/or anxiety (persistent, excessive worry, even in the absence of a clear stressor). Because symptoms of mild stress and anxiety massively overlap, and respond to similar coping strategies, I’ve lumped them together.
+I omitted step zero, here: Basic needs. An overtired, overthinking, undernourished body and mind is far more vulnerable to feelings of stress. Adequate rest, hydration, and nutrition are major players when it comes to resilience to stress and anxiety.
